HOOT HOOT Flap flap flap

July 7, 2007 – 7:42 am

The Pacific Northwest is one of those special places in the world that offers unparalleled scenery. Mountains, lakes, rivers, ocean, beaches… we’ve got it all. In the summer time when the weather is warm and the skies a brilliant blue, there’s no place like it.

Which is why so many people in Seattle and the surrounding areas are die-hard into the outdoors. Camping, hiking, kayaking, mountain biking… you name it, they do it. The world’s largest R.E.I. (that’s a sporting goods store, if you haven’t heard) is situated downtown, and fills with mobs of people every weekend shelling out massive amounts of money on the latest hiking shoes, sleeping bags, and canoes. I suppose it’s theoretically possible to camp without the $600 North Face tent, but what fun would that be? Now really.

I was raised by two parents who LOVED the outdoors. My dad spent years in the Forest Service, which meant he knew not only how to blaze a trail, but also to carry a pistol in the event of a bear attack, and how to tell North without a compass. My mom was no spring chicken either. When I was just a baby, she and my father took a float plane into the Alaskan wilderness, where they hiked in (baby on her back) and lived off the land for two weeks.

Growing up, my sister and I were initiated into the ways of the wild at a young age. Camping, hiking, fishing… we did it all and in abundance. We were experts at raising a tent, starting a fire, catching a fish… and spent many a weekend sleeping outside with nothing but the sounds of nature to lull us to sleep.

So you would logically expect that, as an adult, I would go on in my parents’ tradition to be the consummate outdoorswoman. I’ll bet you think I probably spend my weekends camping, or blazing new trails through the wilderness, or frolicking with the Orcas in my sea kayak. Right?

I do enjoy the outdoors, really I do. But I ALSO enjoy:

  • A nice, soft bed
  • Skin free from bug bites
  • Daily showers
  • Toilets

Still, I always have this nagging feeling that we really need to do more camping. Everyone around us is going and supposedly having a rip-roaring good time of it. Surely CJ would adore it. It would be a time of family bonding; of reconnecting with the earth; of getting back to basics. We WILL go camping!

That’s the thought pattern that led to our last camping trip… which was just a year ago.

A camping we will go!
A camping we will go!
Hi-ho the dairy-oh
A camping we will go!

First to Target, to buy sleeping bags. We find three on sale that are rated for 0 degree weather. PERFECT. Next, kerosene lantern. Check. Onto camping chairs…

A few hundred dollars and a trunk full of goodies later, we headed home to pack up. Then, into the car and south we drove. Two and a half hours later we pulled into a beeautiful tree-filled campground that bordered on a pristine lake. Ah, nature. Ah, fresh air. Ah, the beauty.Ah… choo!

 

Somewhere between our house and the campground, I managed to come down with a cold. But no worries, I’ll pop a Sudafed and be good as new.

We unbundle the tent and do some kung-fu magic to prop it into place. An 8-person tent may SEEM a little extreme for 2 adults and a 3-year old… but trust me, we like the space. Plus it was on sale. We unroll the sleeping bags and queen-sized air mattress. Does anyone sleep on the hard ground any more? I can’t imagine WHY…

Uh-oh… my very thorough and very lengthy checklist included the air mattress, but neglected to include the PUMP. Looks like WE’LL be sleeping on the hard ground.

Well… it’s just two nights. We’re young. We can manage. Right? RIGHT?

We spend a festive evening
1) swatting bugs
2) trying to keep CJ from falling in the fire
3) avoiding smoke from the fire
4) shivering (it gets COLD in the forest at night!)
5) swatting bugs

You kind of forget, when you haven’t gone camping in a long time, how rustic it is.

Ok, so we’ve had enough of the sitting around the campfire pretending to have fun. Time for bed! Surely things will look better in the morning. So, we pile into the tent.

… and wait.

Here are the things that kept me from sleeping that night:

  1. my cold, which quickly escalated into full-on fever, chills, and body pain.
  2. the absolutely inhuman freezing coldness of the night air. (rated for 0 degrees? Ha! Those sleeping bags shouldn’t leave a climate controlled HOUSE!)
  3. ten thousand rocks stabbing into my not-so-young-after-all back
  4. the HOOTING of the blasted owls.

Somehow we pitched our tent in the middle of what must have been the Owl’s courtship grounds. We had an owl on each side of the tent each hooting his and her heart out.

Let me tell you something about owls, about these owls; they had voices like foghorns. When I first heard them, I was convinced they were those monkeys that you see at the zoo with the big sacks in their necks that allow them to project their voices at unearthly volumes. Howler monkeys, I think they’re called. The hooting was outrageous. It was impossible to ignore. And it went on, and on, and on, and on… HOOT HOOT… HOOT… HOOT HOOT HOOT… HOOT… Then FLAP FLAP FLAP they’d fly overhead. Oh hurray, they’re gone! Oops not so fast HOOOOOT! They’ve merely switched positions.

That might have been the longest night of my life. If I hadn’t been so cold and tired, I think I might definitely have climbed out of the tent and directly up a tree to personally wring a hoot-owl’s neck. I hallucinated with joy at the thought of the frisky little owl, in mid-hoot, when OOPS! What is this large creature crashing through my tree? And SNAP! No more hooting. HA ha ha ha ha! Maniacal laughter fills the silence.

I’m not a violent women, really. And I do love me some nature. But I have my LIMITS!

We left after one night. And never went back.

And now, call it craziness or just plain stupidity, but we’re considering going again. Because it can’t be that bad, right? I mean, this time I won’t be sick. And what’s the chances of those hoot owls being there AGAIN? And if we remember the air mattress pump…

Sigh.

Why don’t I just face the truth. What I need is one of these:

Now THAT’S what I call camping.

***
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29 Responses to “HOOT HOOT Flap flap flap”

  1. By Karen on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Only one slide out on that RV? Now THAT is roughing it! I refuse to tent camp (even though we bought the tent, the chairs, the lanterns, etc) One night in the backyard cured me of that dream. Now I’ll only camp if we camp with my parents and stay in their trailer. And even that drives me to the brink of sanity. But the kids LOVE it. So sometimes we send the kids and stay home!

    What I really think is ironic, is that the largest R.E.I. store is in your backyard, and you bought your stuff at Target! ;)

    Great post. But it’s scaring me b/c I think we may be twins separated at birth!

  2. By Annie on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Great post! If I ever get the urge to go camping (highly unlikely) you can bet there’ll be a top of the line Luxury RV with my name on it!

  3. By Sara on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    I HATE camping but I suppose it could have been worse, better to have owls than skunks! The last time I went camping the campsite had cable hookups so it wasn’t exactly ‘roughing it’. Still, the only good thing about camping is that it makes you so much more appreciative of the comfort of home when you come back. Oh, and also the smores :)

  4. By Smiling Mom on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Two words:
    TENT TRAILER

    Common, jump on my bandwagon!! Some tent trailers actually have MORE room than the class C RV’s…. ya, we’ve done extensive research on this subject!

    By the way, I use to spend my summers in Belleview, Washington at my grandma’s house. I was only 5 but still remember the address. #2 Key Street. :-)

  5. By Jen on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    I loved camping as a kid and we did it all the time. Then, a couple of years ago my husband and I attempted our first camping trip together. About 15 minutes into it I was questioning all my childhood memories. “Is it possible that I actually LIKED this at one time? Are we doing something wrong? Has the great outdoors always been so sharp and pointy?”

    Never again.

  6. By Mama Zen on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    If I get the urge to go camping, I’ll just re-read this post and call it a day!

  7. By shizzknits on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Yup, the TENT TRAILER is the way to go. It’s not as ‘rustic’ at tent camping, but not as guilt-inducing as a huge, fuel guzzling RV. You can pull a tent trailer behind you with the same car you’re taking to the campsite so it’s more efficient. And the key is having a tent trailer with a bathroom. No more disgusting portapotties- a big deal when you have littles who want to touch touch touch everything! LOL

    Let the small ones camp out in their own tent at night if they want.

    *I’m* sleeping on a real bed!

  8. By tulipmom on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Sweet Boy and Hubby have decided they’re camping in the backyard tonight. “Just the two of them NO OFFENSE.” Hey, no offense taken. I’ll just be lying here on my pillow-top mattress in my air-conditioned bedroom!

  9. By Lene on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Fun post!

    My DH and I went camping years ago with our dogs. It was a disaster. He keeps talking about going back, but I have absolutely no desire…at least not while the boys are this little.

    I think the RV is a perfect way to camp! What would your folks say? ;)

  10. By Kimberly on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Right on, Sister!

  11. By Jenn on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Am I the only one here who LOVES camping? In a tent? I LOVE camping! I leave the fly off the top of the tent so I can watch the stars…and listen to the owls.

    It’s not a summer/fall/spring if I don’t go camping at least twice a month.

    And it’s usually with the girls…and my best friend who has three kids of her own.

    Maybe I am crazier than I thought I was.

  12. By Stephanie on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    My favorite kind of camping is the kind we did last summer…on my parents’ property, complete with tent and bonfire and blow-up mattress, and also complete with grandparents/hot water/showers/toilets only an acre away to soften the hardship of crying children/dirt/cooking.

  13. By Carla on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

    Before children I loved camping! Now I bring the little boys for the day and then home. It’s hard enough chasing them through the weeds, digging out the first aid kit and shoving burnt hotdogs in their little faces.
    I loved this post! I thought your hoot halting hallucination was a riot! HOOT!

  14. By JaniceNW on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    I consider camping a hotel with no room service. ;) I think we camped next to you last year. I ended up sleeping in McHub’s Suburban. Muahahaha. Much more comfy!

  15. By kellypea on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    You have seen that RV movie, right? My bones just can’t handle sleeping on the ground anymore — if they ever really did. I’m into 1 million percale count sheets, yah know? But I have seriously done the camping thing and will always remember the howling coyotes at the Grand Canyon. It was swell.

    The monkey is completely hilarious, btw.

  16. By IngeniousRose.wordpress.com on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    We are leaving rainy Britain and travelling to the Pacific Northwest! It sounds so much better than Sherwood Forest which is all we have on our doorstep. We’ll stick to a hotel though!

  17. By karrie on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    Target has some decent cheapo camping gear. I bought a sleeping bag made for tall people that is actually long enough for under $20. Score!

    I do love to camp, but now that I’m a bit older and more spoiled, I’m someplace between your parents and that massive rv. Read: I like KOA tent sites now, and also enjoy alternating a couple of nights in a tent with a couple of nights in a bed. I’ve done my time in the woods, carrying in, carrying out, and carrying on when I unexpectedly got my period in bear country, a few days from the car.

    I’d take a T@B teardrop camper in a heartbeat though. :)

  18. By Jo Beaufoix on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    This brings back so memory memories AB.

    When I was little we had a caravan which is much easier on the bones, and we have taken Miss E and M on holiday in my parents caravan in Brighton.

    The only time I have properly camped out is at various summer festivals, and to be honest, very little time was spent sleeping, or in the tent.

    Mr B played at the Phoenix Festival a couple of years ago, and he wouldn’t go anywhere near a tent. They had to hire a caravan for the band. Not very rock and roll is he?

    He cannot contemplate the idea of peeing in a hole, or not having running water.

    Sometimes I wish he was a little more adventurous, but then the bugs and spooky night noises would put me off anyway.

  19. By Queen Heather on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    You know what would have been crazy (and I could totally see myself doing this)….hooting BACK at the owls. Just to f*ck with them.

    I love monkeys…I watch Jane Goodall hoot like a chimp and I practice. I could have freaked those owls out.

    yeah, we bought a tent with intentions of going camping now that the boys are bigger. Um, we’ve camped in our backyard once. We’re so real.

  20. By Crunchy Carpets on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    LOL….hilarious.
    And yeah…camping is always cool and the memories seem waaay better than the reality.

    Last year for Caity and Adam’s first trip she DID fall on the fire.

    And we have a HUGE tent and love the space!

    I want to again…

    why?????

  21. By Brillig on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    hahaha. Oh, i hate camping, for all of these reasons and more. My husband loves it. Thank goodness we have boys. I tell him that he can take the boys out for a rustic journey while our daughter and I paint our toenails and watch movies together. Perfect.

  22. By creative-type dad on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    That’s not a RV, that’s a house.

    We have an REI about an hour away. We went once to get spin shoes for the wife.
    When we left, I swear I felt like we came back from a camping trip.

  23. By moosh in indy. on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

    I call camping the W hotel.

  24. By mrsmogul on Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

    My in-laws were having orgasms over those RVS when they were visiting us. I’m not a camper person. I am more of a five star hotel pamper me type of girl.

  25. By Midwest Mommy on Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

    I have never been camping and you just convinced me not to try it :-)

  26. By Kristi on Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

    Now THAT’S what I’m talking about. I did notice how chic and slim all the Seattleians (?) were. Made me want to go out and run or something. Luckily, I didn’t.

  27. By The Daring One on Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

    You’re a genius of camping and writing about it. We’re not quite as ambitions as you with the big ole RV. After our first trip, we decided to make some “improvements” such as a space heater, more comfortable air mattress and around 40 target sleeping bags piled on top of us like we were the pea under the princess’s mattresses.

  28. By Cate on Jul 13, 2007 | Reply

    Heehee! I used to go camping with my family when I was younger and I loved it….then…not sure how much I would love it now that I have developed a love of running water and indoor plumbing…

  29. By stevron on Jan 7, 2008 | Reply

    You got me all excited for summer time i havnt been camping in years its a must now !! portable beds

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