Do you hide the guns for play dates?
July 6, 2007 – 3:32 pmAs you probably already know, I live in Seattle. As you may or may not know, Seattle is one of the most liberal cities in the country. People here (statistically speaking) are well-educated, well-off financially, and highly opinionated. I love our city. I love the people who live here. Only sometimes, they scare me just a little.
Take the “Gun issue,” for instance.
I am definitely opposed to guns. I do NOT believe that every home needs one, and I’m not such a fan of hunting either (Why do you have to KILL the cute little deer to make it fun? Can’t you just dress up in all the cool camo, rub yourself with deer urine, and then LOOK at it?). Where I stand on our constitional right to bear arms? Not so sure. And since I’m not a lawmaker or a gun shop owner, I figure I don’t really need to take a stand.
When it comes to CJ, however, I do have to take a stand.
In the beginning, I drew a hard line. NO GUNS EVER! was the rule in our house. My in-laws made fun of me. “Oh just you wait.” they said, “you can’t keep little boys from playing guns. If you don’t give them a toy gun, they’ll use a stick.”
“I DON’T CARE!” I responded, “there will be NO TOY GUNS in my house!” And, bless my little heart, I truly meant it.
It’s true that little boys love to play guns and shooting. It’s also true that you can keep toy guns out of your house if you feel strongly enough.
For me, though, I went through a change of heart upon getting some actual information on the issue (information- it’s an amazing thing!). The information came in the form of this article in Mothering magazine. 8 pages long and filled with footnotes and references to research and studies, the article was the best source of information that I’d seen. And the conclusion was surprising- according to the author, toy guns are NOT the root of all evil. I won’t bore you with the details. If you’re interested, I recommend looking up the article.
So, for me, I decided that toy guns IN MODERATION were ok… and not something to completely freak out about. And so we have a couple in our house. As a general rule I don’t buy them, but if CJ gets one as a gift I do let him keep it. And I did allow my husband to buy him a target set from Target. I figure this- shooting at pretend cans and bottles- is the best expression of gun play. And of COURSE we have water pistols.
And we have strict rules about how to play with the toy guns. You never, ever point it at a person. Pretend bad-guy? Ok. Mommy? Gun goes in a time-out.
Overall I feel good about this decision. I feel that, for our home and our child, this is a good compromise.
The dilemma that I now find myself in is that we are a household that bears arms. TOY arms. In Seattle. And 99% of the parents in this city do NOT (fanatically). Or if they do, they DEFINITELY don’t admit it.
My approach thus far has been to hide the guns when other kids come over for play dates. BUT they inevitably find them (I’m not such a good hider) and come out with them. BANG! BANG! The uninitiated child points the gun at his mother (he doesn’t know the rules) and her eyes widen in horror.
ACK! I shout, I PUT THOSE UP FOR A REASON!! I grab the toy guns and stow them away, mumbling something about people who give toy guns as presents. But it’s too late… in 95.2% of instances I have already been judged and found wanting.
This frustrates me because I DO believe I’m a good parent. I make as many decisions as I can based on reasoning and information. I don’t wildly throw about rules or rash judgments, but try to be thoughtful, fair, and reasonable. I respect other parents’ right to their opinions, even when they’re different from mine. Don’t believe in letting your kid play with toy guns? I can respect that. I can understand why. But why is it ok for you to judge ME?
It always comes back to the question of the ages…
Why can’t we all just get along?
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This post was inspired by The Queen of Shake-Shake’s toy box tattle-tales. Do you have a toy-box confession? Join the club!
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By Kimberly on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
Oooo…what a thought-provoking post! I grew up in a no gun house, and my little brother is obsessed with guns. My aunt tried it on her little boy, and he just bit his bread, cheese, etc…into the shape of a gun and played with it. Or built guns out of lego when she wasn’t looking.
Sometimes, making something tabboo is a very bad idea.
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By Annie on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
My thoughts on this are pretty similar to yours. I don’t get the hunting thing, and the thought of owning a gun and keeping it in the house terrifies me. Sure the theory goes that in the event of an intruder it could be useful but really - do you think I’ll have the wherewithall to use it in those circumstances - eh - no!
However, I know that little boys in particular have been known to much the shape of a gun out of their slice of toast, or make a gun shape from their lego - so what are you going to do? I like your approach to it - and think that is a good balance to have.
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By Smiling Mom on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
That same gun set was bought for my son’s first gun experience! It’s pretty cool, although I am conflicted. Due to the nature of my husband’s job, we do have guns…But when at home, they are always locked up in a safe. So I stand conflicted.
Our rule is also no pointing it at anyone…
You want to know a secret? If you put the gun log around or behind the TV, the remote makes the sounds go off. At least it did in our case. It made for a funny prank! :-)
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By Queen Heather on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
What a GREAT post! I love it!
I too started off leaning towards the no-gun side. But seriously, a losing battle b/c they do make them out of anything.
And I realized my hubby grew up playing with toy guns, VERY realistic looking ones I might add, and he’s a very peaceable man. He doesn’t fight the urge to go around shootin’ people up. My dad too. Played with them as a boy, never shot anyone nor seems inclined to.
While I wasn’t against toy guns, I didn’t buy them for the boys just to buy them. They had to reach the age where they asked for them as a gift, then oh, I let grandma buy it! LOL! Though we did provide the lightsabers and star wars blasters.
I honestly don’t see the difference between having a cowboy style toy gun and those laser tag things. Isn’t basically doing the same thing? At least with the cowboy guns you aren’t wearing those vest things that you are to aim for with the laser tag.
I think the pendulum of absolutely NO playing toy guns of any kind is going to far. When something is so taboo, it increases the fascination. IMO.
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By Brillig on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
I love your approach. With my house full of little boys, it’s a subject that is going to come up any day now and I’m gonna have to be ready.
The only thing that Hubby and I have ever fought, and I mean FOUGHT, about is the gun. His gun. A REAL gun. The gun he keeps in OUR closet.
I hate guns, in an extreme way. I had to live in places as a kid where everyone had guns. I watched people be shot dead from my window. I swore that my children would be completely sheltered from guns. And then… um… I married a guy who was raised to believe that every good patriotic constitution-loving American should own one.
We have both had to compromise, a LOT. He’s no longer so pro guns, I’m no longer going to smash every toy gun into pieces.
Uhh… I could, apparently, go on and on. Shall I spare you? Yeah, I guess I will. Anyway, great post. And your bottom line is the most important–YOUR kid, YOUR rules, why is it okay for anyone else to judge?
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By Mert on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
We don’t have guns except for a couple of super soaker type squirt guns, and I really discourage playing with guns. I don’t want guns in my house either.
BUT! I don’t have boys… so it’s a lot different.
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By Worker Mommy on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
From one Seattleite to another I was so relating to you on the never allowing a gun in the house ever… be it toy or otherwise.
I love hearing your perspective. I still haven’t allowed B to have toy guns yet. In fact we just had a cowboy/cowgirl themed party and I refused to get little toy guns as trinkets.
Anyhoo, all that to say as much as I didn’t want them… he does. You see he loves his little “pewper men” .
Those are the little green plastic army men. He learned about them because my 14 year old stepdaughter brought some over for a history project. He learned that those little men say “pew, pew, pew” (that his version of the sound a gun makes).
Initially this freaked me out but I realized I need to relax and just set guidelines and everything will be fine.
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By Karen on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
Oh, we made so many rules BEFORE we had kids.
“No guns.”
“No TV as a babysitter.”
“Our house will never look this cluttered.”
“No spanking.”
The list went on. The reality was, you have to do what is right for your family. Based on the information that you have. Lots of little boys grew up with guns in the house and toy guns. And they are peaceful people. I know I grew up with shotguns…..one of them always propped up against the back door (to kill the muskrats making homes in our pond) and I’ve never once thought of killing someone.
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By Jo Beaufoix on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
I’m also really anti-guns, but I have girls so so far it hasn’t come up.
I suppose I also live in a culture that knows alot less about guns.
Sadly shootings are growing in inner city areas in the UK, but I’m still hoping we don’t get to the stage where everyday people feel they need guns for protection.
Michael Moore’s ‘Bowling for Columbine’ was such an eye opening film for me, and maybe something that should go on Secondary School curriculums.
I think what your doing is great AB.
You’re educating, and taking the mystery out of the whole thing.
If they already know a bit about guns, even if they’re just toys, maybe they’re less likely to want to explore further.
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By Carla on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
I, too said no guns then two little boy fingers made one and BLAM!! It is wired into boys. It’s just there. I usually tell a playdate mom that we have some guns, but all my friends have tons of boys! :) As far as boys who play with guns growing up to be killers-not buying it.
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By pixie on Jul 6, 2007 | Reply
I love this post, because it is such a “hot topic” among parents, and I’ve actually been judged upon for NOT having guns in the house. I have the no-gun rule and have had eyes rolled and meaningful looks, “Oh, she’s one of THOSE types of mothers, sheltering her child from the inevitable.”
So far Volcano doesn’t seem interested in guns. Unlike what everyone says, he doesn’t create guns out of Legos or sticks or carrots. He knows what they are (we were watching Fox and the Hound and I explained it to him), but he never tries to make his own.
I am worried about the inevitable day when he will receive one as a gift… I would hope the gift giver would ask me about it first. (Funny, because they always ask if it’s okay to give Monkey a Barbie, as if she’s more dangerous. But I guess that’s a whole other post…)
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By shauna on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply
I feel the same way you do about guns. We’ve never bought any for our kids, but they’ve gotten guns as gifts and freebies from friends. Finally we decided to let those be. So I’ve loosened up a little bit on that one (and have probably stumbled on the same studies and research you have). Before there were guns there were sticks and cardboard pieces that closely resembled guns. Boys will be boys. That much is true. (That and there will always be rocks in my dryer).
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By the parents zone on Jul 7, 2007 | Reply
No gun toys for kids..because they like toys which makes noise or sounds. So we better something else then Gun toys.
Easy Ways For Kid Entertainment To Amuse Your Kid:
There are easy ways for kid entertainment to amuse your kid if you are prepared with some ideas before only.
Kids can be amused and distracted by small signs and sounds. You can blow raspberry on the arm or make funny noises.
Your kid can respond to funny faces and silly soun
Gently tickle your kid to distract from a boring wait is one of the kid entertainment. Tickling should be done little because too much tickling can turn to torture and tears can come off if you go too far.
The parents Zone
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By nell on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
Ah, I’m a firm believer in moderation - always! And despite my non-violent inclinations and best parenting intentions, and the fact that I have two girls, there is always much death and violence in our house. I have given up the resistance, I embrace it, because if I didn’t, I’m afraid Freya might… well, you never know with her.
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By andi on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
Huh, sounds like me and Barbies. My son is too young to worry about the gun thing just yet, but I’m sure I’ll do a little bending on that one too. Yes, me. The non-hunting vegetarian may let her child play with toy guns (gasp!)
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By IngeniousRose on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
Hi Absolutely Bananas! I’ve never given any thought to toy guns before. I guess in Britain we are lucky (at the moment) because it is not such a hot topic. But the thought of homes having real guns is terrifying. My daughter is about to turn 4 so hopefully she’ll stick with Barbie, but then she needs to be introduced to the realities of the world some how. I think you have found the perfect way. Looking forward to your next post.
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By Mama Zen on Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
I’ve tried to discourage more realistic looking guns. Sounds silly, but the more goofy and obviously toy-like the weapon, the more comfortable I am with my daughter playing with it.
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By bellevelma on Jul 9, 2007 | Reply
Wow. Do you seriously have to put away the TOY guns? I would never want a real gun in the house, but toy guns, not such a big deal. I found rather early on that kids know a lot more than we think. We can ban toy guns, ban TV, ban video games, ban fast food, etc, from OUR homes, but walk with our kids thru a toy store and they’ll say, “Oh look! There’s that new Ninetendo game! So and so has a Super Soaker water GUN like that! Look! McDonalds!” and so on. When all the OTHER kids have the stuff, they talk about it, bring it to class for show and tell, etc… and our kids then know about it too. And then they want their own. Doesn’t mean we have to get it for them, but they will be exposed to the forbidden things one way or another. I guess I’d rather it be in my house on my terms.
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By Cate on Jul 13, 2007 | Reply
It’s too bad that you actually have to hide TOY guns when people come over. Unless you are abusing or seriously neglecting our children, Ii don’t think anyone has the right to tell you how to be a “good” parent…it’s up to every parent as an individual…it’s sad that some people don’t get that.
I have the same opinion as you on hunting, etc., but I also grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, where a rifle was a must in order to keep the livestock safe from wolves, coyotes, bears….so I can see both sides.
The boys might have toy guns when they grow up…I’m okay with that. But moderation is definitely key…
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