Absolutely Bananas: Seattle mom blog

To CJ on your 4th birthday

Dear CJ,

Oh how the time flies. It seems like only yesterday that you were just a wee thing, blowing bubbles and smiling and charming me with your big blue eyes and long black lashes.

How is it possible that each year I find that I love you TWICE as much? This phenomenon worries me because, if it continues, I really fear my heart will explode in a great messy mass of lovingness by the time you are 13.

You are so grown-up. I love how you carefully enunciate every word; how thoughtful you are; the questions you ask and the funny little things you say. How you ride your bike like the only thing in the world is you and that bike (and its unnaturally loud squeaky horn). How you love to play soccer and climb the jungle gym and how you KEEP TRYING until you conquer whatever you put your mind to do.

You are so handsome and so sweet. You can make me melt in an instant when you throw your arms around my neck, or twirl my hair, or kiss me on the cheek, or tell me that you love me. I’m so afraid of the day when you won’t love me this much, when I won’t be the center of your world, the one thing that can comfort you and make your tears go away. If I could stop time, I think I just might. Except for the moments when you get unreasonably angry, when you throw things and shout at me and I really don’t know what to do, because I fear that your will is stronger than mine.

But of course I won’t let on. I’ll pretend to be in control. I’ll put on a brave face for the passage of time. I’ll be there and I’ll push you and I’ll support you because after all, I am your mother. And of everything I’ve learned by this rite of passage, perhaps the biggest lesson is this: that the single most satisfying thing in life is to make someone else happy.

So be happy, my CJ. Be wildly deliriously happy. Except when you’re not, and then let your sadness be a learning experience that can take you further down the road of happiness.

Sincerely,

(Ok, never mind that)

LOTS Of hugs and kisses,

Your mother

6.12.2007

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