Once upon a time when I was young, naive, and blissfully unaware of the realities of parenting, I thought that it would be quite nice to have a son who was:
1) independent
2) spirited
3) not a wimp
4) similar to me
Let me tell you what, if I could fly back through time and talk to my former self, there would be some WORDS exchanged. I would respectfully but firmly inform myself that it is NOT a good idea to have a child who is these things. And oh by the way, while I’m here, you really should think about buying some Microsoft stock.
The problem with a 4-year old who is independent, spirited, and not a wimp is that he can be INFURIATINGLY STUBBORN. The problem with a four year old who is eerily similar to me is that he can make you want to TEAR YOUR HAIR OUT in frustration and despair. I’m sorry mom and dad, really I am. I finally see what you went through. And it’s NOT pretty.
The latest battle is over THE SHIRT.
As you may or may not know, I have a slight compulsion when it comes to buying clothes for CJ. I love children’s clothes. I love European children’s clothes. I love expensive European children’s clothes. So, although I have rather significantly curbed my spending in this area, CJ still does have a nice collection of (if I say so myself) very charming and oh-so-cute tees.
Which is why I find it so completely irritating that the ONLY SHIRT that this child will wear is a blue-green t-shirt that I got at Target for $6.95. Don’t get me wrong, the shirt is FINE… it’s just not something I was expecting to see EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Also we run into problems when the shirt is in the laundry, which is most days of the week given that I’m always at least 15 loads behind.
So every morning we battle over THE SHIRT.
Me: Ok, time to get dressed. Look at this shirt- it has a crocodile on it! Isn’t that cool?
CJ: NO! I want my green shirt!
Me: CJ, your green shirt is dirty, so you’ll have to wear a different one.
CJ: NO! I don’t WANT a different one! I only like my green one!
Me: I know, but you green one is dirty. Here… pick out any one you like.
CJ: No! I LOVE MY GREEN SHIRT! (runs downstairs, digs through laundry pile, finds dirty green shirt and puts it on)
At this point, the story becomes a choose-your-own-adventure. We go one of two paths:
a) I have my wits about me and give up on the battle, letting CJ wear the dirty but wonderfully delightful green shirt, or
b) I refuse to give in and the battle wages on, bloody and bitter.
It’s really a pitiful scene; a scene that any young girl who is glamorizing the thought of having a baby should have to watch at least 262 times.
After hearing me go on and on about the situation, one friend asked, “Why not just buy 4 more of that same shirt?”
That WOULD be the logical thing to do. After all, what’s $27.80 compared to the complete loss of my sanity?
But if you think I will follow logic and take the path most obvious, you are in for a surprise, my friend. Did you forget that I said that CJ is just like ME? Just where exactly do you think he gets that stubborn and highly unreasonable streak from anyway?
It’s a chicken and egg thing.
He’s unreasonable
I’m unreasonable back
He shouts things like “I’m not your friend any more!”
and I say things like, “I’m going to throw this shirt in the garbage!”
and the war wages on.
I have fantasies where I sneak downstairs under a cloak of darkness and pull that blue-green shirt out of the dryer. After I rough it up a little (hey! it’s caused me a lot of trouble!), I’ll throw it in a potato sack with a couple of lead weights and heave it into Puget Sound. Ha! Sleep with the fishes you blue-green pain in the [BLEEP]!
Or maybe cut it into long thin ribbons that I’ll use to knit myself a scarf. How do you like me NOW, Green Shirt?!
Or maybe I’ll burn it in a bonfire over which I’ll roast marshmallows… the sweetest roasted marshmallows ever known to a conniving, revenge-seeking momma. Burn, sucker, BURN!
Or MAYBE, just maybe, I’ll pause, take a deep breath, and look at the big picture. Oh yeah, it’s a SHIRT. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be the ADULT in this story. Oh right, I don’t usually like other people to pick out MY clothes. Oh yeah, 80% of the stuff in my closet IS unworn (and I actually bought it)…
Maybe I’ll finally give up this silly fight and move on to bigger, more important things.
Who can say which route I’ll take.
I’ll certainly never tell.
June 27, 2007 at 11:46 am
I like the bonfire idea. But you could also have an expensive European t-shirt sale in your front yard and use the money to buy more shirts at Target. After that keep blogging hilarious posts. Either way-you win!
June 27, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Ah, yes. BTDT! My only rule is, if you’re going to be around the same people today that you were yesterday (i.e. day camp), then you can’t wear the exact same outfit.
June 27, 2007 at 12:27 pm
This sounds totally familiar. My daughter has entered an “itchy scratchy” phase and insists that only her rainbow sweatpants are soft enough for her delicate tush! May I add them to the bonfire?
June 27, 2007 at 12:57 pm
My sister got the moosh a tacky tacky character set *GASP* that the moosh thought was awesome…it has been phased out never to be heard from again.
Burn it, burn it…it will be a week of hell but then…
silence.
June 27, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Yeah, I got my ass whooped over who is really in charge of what the kids wear LONG ago. I think payton was about 2 when he began to express his opinion on clothes.
Funny post!
June 27, 2007 at 3:41 pm
So funny!
We have a shirt problem too (already – he’s only 2). He’s obsessed with a Diego shirt and flails himself around if he can’t wear it. Distraction with food works. (so bad, I know)
June 27, 2007 at 4:18 pm
My three year-old has been wearing baseball pants every day, save three, since FEBRUARY.
Every. day.
And the shirt? Must have a baseball on it, or be a “team” shirt.
Not that he’s independent or anything. Or anything like me. ahem.
June 27, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Oh, geeze, that is one thing I’ve learned, too. Be careful what you ask for. There is nothing like the tenacity of a stubborn pre-school boy. If only we could harness that for good. And sell it on QVC…
June 27, 2007 at 5:13 pm
My son’s favorite shirt
June 27, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Oh dear.
Odds of him falling in love with another shirt when the old one bites the dust?
So…so sorry.
June 27, 2007 at 6:09 pm
You are so right, Freya and CJ are totally soul mates. It’s crazy.
June 27, 2007 at 6:43 pm
We’re not quite at this point yet. We’ve just made it to the point where Zoe doesn’t want me to take anything off of her… but once it’s off she doesn’t want me to put anything on her. I know I’ll be sorry… but I’m at the point where I’m wishing she would just tell me what to put on her. I know as soon as she does… I’ll wish I never wished that.
June 27, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Oh how I feel your pain. My 6 yr old wont wear certain shirts just to play in the sandbox because of the lack of cuteness. These shirts are 2 yrs old have yet to be worn.
I would drink, but I’m such a light weight;) .
June 27, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Oh those battles sound so familar. It does get easier right? Ugh!
June 27, 2007 at 7:29 pm
That was so funny! I can feel your pain! Good luck on the path you choose!
June 27, 2007 at 8:05 pm
I love this.
It reminds me of my 3 year old niece who will only wear Peppa Pig clothes.
Her mum washes them every night or she will not be able to get her out of the house in the morning.
I blogged about a T-Shirt today too, and on a kind similar subject, terrible twos.
I’ll have to put a link on to you and smiling mum.
I love how blogging makes me realise my family is normal.
June 27, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I hear you sister! Why did he have to pick the ugliest shirt of the bunch? I have your back. I say cut the sucker right in the chest and let him discover it. :-)
June 27, 2007 at 8:25 pm
My youngest would wear nothing but her favorite t-shirt for months and months and months. I got sick of looking at it, but she loved it SO MUCH. I finally convinced her to let me turn it into a pillow and she relinquished it.
We are now dealing with the wearing of the bikini…every. single. day. *sigh*
It doesn’t get much better. The teenager…she wears the same jeans and hoodie day after day after day. I think the jeans are about ready to walk on their own at this point and the hoodie…it’s just gross. She made little “thumb holes” in the cuff and wears it like fingerless gloves.
Kids are just weird.
June 28, 2007 at 12:06 am
LOL!
Oh my. That would be really annoying!
The demise of a t-shirt. That really is a funny post :-D
June 28, 2007 at 12:11 am
I chortled out loud at this…
Too funny and as real as it sometimes gets!
Hard to remember to be the adult! I don’t always want to be one!
June 28, 2007 at 3:22 am
omg, still laughing!
and i so feel your pain
my daughter, who was supposed to be my pixie tomboy, refuses to wear only dresses
i fought that for awhile, then gave in, figuring i could do without that one battle
then she decided that only ONE dress is acceptable.
it’s a gingham sundress, which, on particularly cold morning last winter, hubs allowed to wear — over a ribbed turtleneck shirt with hot-pink cowboy boots.
*shudder*
at least now it’s plenty warm enough for the dress, which means she will shift alliances yet again
and i too will begin dreaming of bonfires.
June 29, 2007 at 3:08 am
That was so funny! I have told my son’s preschool teacher too many times to count that he picks out his own clothes. That is why he was wearing winter boots that we two sizes two small when it was a million degrees outside and a dish towel on his head. I also have fantasies over cutting up the dish towel.
July 5, 2007 at 2:23 pm
I really hope that I don’t have to go through that with Zander…but I’m worried that is exactly where we’re going with him…he tends to get EXTREMELY attached to things….I’m scared…so scared!
July 21, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Been there! He will only wants to wear the one striped shirt and it is very frustrating after I bought him all some super cute children’s clothes, that I would love to see him in!
March 7, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I’m ok because the rule in my house is that I pick the clothes we buy but he can wear whatever combination he wishes(Hence my mother wonders why all his clothes are black, gray, white and red)…. it works well… just as well because we are both INCREDIBLY stubborn- I mean to the point that I would have destroyed that top long ago.
The only thing is my mother(who dressed me in revolting, wonky, hand-knitted cardigans…. shudder) buys him the most horrid clothes ever… I mean 1970s clothes look good beside them.
She did try the knitting thing with my son but I laughed so hard she stopped.
Now all I do is keep the vile clothes she buys him in a bag under the stairs to go with him when he stays at hers for a weekend each month or two… That way their sheer hideousness is kept out of my line of sight…
My hint never buy anything you aren’t willing to see for a day of sundays… and destroy any ugly clothes[recycle if you wish]immediatly before the child builds up a love for that item!