This week CJ and I had to fend for ourselves while Jay was in NYC for “business.” (I guess they call staying in a nice hotel and eating amazing meals at French restaurants “business” … go figure.)
Jay has been traveling a LOT lately. It used to be that I was the one always on the road to exotic locales, racking up air miles and enjoying long drawn-out dinners while Jay held down the home front for weeks on end. Now the most exotic locale that I visit is Trade Joe’s… ooh, look! Camembert cheese!… and the Mexican restaurant a few blocks from our house. necessito mas salsa, por favor, y un enchilada grande. Gracias! The only air miles I rack up are when I charge groceries to our credit card, and my long drawn-out dinners involve ME cleaning up at the end.
But don’t get me wrong. If I had to choose– and I did– I’d choose staying home. Or, as I like to call it now, being “left behind.” (Sounds pretty sad and pitiful when you say it that way, doesn’t it? All part of the plan my friend, all part of the plan. Sit back and enjoy the delightfully cunning ways of a master at work.)
Being the one LEFT BEHIND has its perks. For one thing, you are on the distribution end of the guilt trip, which is always a plus because it gives you a little thing called Leverage.
Honey, I’m going to need you to watch CJ for the whole day today since I have important appointments with my manicurist, masseuse, yoga instructor and Nordstrom. I know you won’t mind since you’re probably wanting to spend LOTS of time with him to make up for being gone all week, right? Thaaanks.
Believe me, there’s nothing worse than getting off a 6 or 11 hour flight with jet lag and walking in the door to a spouse who is sick and tired of being a parent and ready to hand off all responsibility to YOU. What?! I have kids? What? No 450 count sheets that are turned down nightly? Why is there sour milk in this mini bar? Wait a minute… this isn’t a mini bar?! Yep, it’s a rude awakening.
Of course you’re glad to be home, but the truth is that you just want to GO TO BED. But then there’s the guilt. Don’t you WANT to spend time with your children? How can you blow off your family after not seeing them for a WHOLE WEEK?
So, glamorous as business travel may be, I am happy to leave it to Jay. Most of the time. Unfortunately, like so many things, being LEFT BEHIND does have its disadvantages.
The worst ones include:
- Sleepless nights. Robbers, intruders, cat burglers, vandals, monsters, pirates, bandits, raccoons, rats, rabid dogs… these are just a few of the fearful creatures that parade through my imagination every time I hear a creak, rustle, or groan. And trust me, living in a 1926 house on a rather busy street, you hear a LOT of creaks, rustles, and groans. Even after checking the locks on the doors and windows 17 times… oops one more time to bring the total to 18… I still find myself unable to relax and so drift in and out of a fitful sleep, finally waking in the morning with a pounding headache and droopy eyes.
- No one to blame. Garbage is overflowing and should have been taken out days ago. My fault. Plants haven’t been watered and therefore appear to be dying. My fault. CJ should have been put to bed an hour ago, and is now so over-tired that bedtime turns into an epic battle. My fault. It really makes you realize; one of the most important features of a marriage is that it gives you someone to blame!
- Frozen dinners, cereal, and Spaghettios. Remember cooking for one? Totally sucks. Cooking for two was also difficult. But once we became a FAMILY, meal time was actually kind of fun. The bonding, the stirring, the togetherness, the sharing… ok, so at times it’s overrated. But the truth is that cooking dinner just makes sense when you have a family to feed. When it’s just me and a 4 year old shouting “SANDWICH!”, cooking isn’t looking so appealing. So we eat a lot of frozen dinners, cereal and Spaghettios. Yuck. I am TIRED of these foods and yearning for a steak.
Of course there are 1000 other downsides which I’m sure all of you who share this dilemma would be happy to contribute and complain about.
Bottom line: we get married for a reason… to share our lives. Hanging out on opposite ends of the country kind of gets in the way of that.
***
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xo Jen
June 29, 2007 at 11:01 am
I am not alone! I feel the same way about my hubby’s trips. I am usually the type in bed by 9:30 but when he is gone I usually see the clock it 2:30 am and have even seen that 4:00 am roll around!
June 29, 2007 at 11:36 am
Funny enough, I love when hubby goes out of town for work! Finally everything gets done MY way!! :P
June 29, 2007 at 1:18 pm
My hubby just works normal hours but I still use the guilt thing.
As in, “I’ve booked a haircut, so you can have some time with the girls.”
Does this make me a bad person?
I really admire all of you part-time single parents though.
If Mr B is away just one night I miss him, and it’s hard work.
You’re all amazing.
June 29, 2007 at 2:15 pm
I am jealous of all of you! lol For the next three weeks I am the one on the business trip through the week and home for that brief 36 hour period on the weekends. My issue though is I am a single Mom – so try upping that guilt level by about 100! I can not wait to get out of here and get on my flight to get home, and yup I want to just kick off my clothes and put on pj’s and veg out. However, Mom duties call immediately — tball games, beach volleyball games, dance, etc. Trying to squeeze in “quality” time with them before I leave again Sunday night. **sigh** I am ready for the next three weeks to be over.
June 29, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Hubs, a photographer, shoots a lot of sports, so he’s gone constantly during certain seasons.
(Last year, he had to leave for a week-long trip on Christmas Day. Not that I’m still bitter or anything!)
So I know exactly what you mean — about leverage, all those “my-faults” and, most especially, the way dinnertime just goes all to hell. I gained weight last fall from all that solo dining. It’s just too tempting to go with “easy” rather than healthy.
June 29, 2007 at 4:26 pm
This post will give me something to laugh about next week when I’m “left behind!”
June 29, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Can I modify your reason we get married? To share our lives while having fun. I think the fun is important. Because when it isn’t fun, ugh.
And wanna talk about being left behind, we don’t HAVE a Trader joes. We suck. We live in the backwoods. We don’t even have a Whole Foods. Waaaaaaa! (I hear TJ can hook you up with some cheap wine that is really good!)
June 29, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I love this post!
In some ways I’m dreading going away at the end of July, because my hubby is better than I am at playing the guilt card.
June 29, 2007 at 6:34 pm
#1 describes me perfectly. Noises in the house don’t bother me at all, unless Hubby’s gone and then I’m FREAKING OUT ALL NIGHT LONG. Sigh. Hubby used to travel a lot with his job (gone for a week or two every month) and I was left out home with my two little ones. It was awful. Now, travel is a rare thing, but he’s going on a trip in August and I’m already dreading it. A whole week? Alone? WITH FOUR KIDS? Yeah, thank goodness for that whole “leverage” thing!!!!
June 29, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Buh-leeve me, I understand. When Hubby’s gone on “business,” I go craaaaaaaaaazy! Every little problem seems so MAGNIFIED because I have to handle it all by myself, and there is no other adult to turn to. But the guilt Hubby feels when he returns is certainly the perk — I usually get flowers and dinner out when he gets home :)
June 29, 2007 at 9:41 pm
That was so well put! I’m always the one “left behind!” I tend to focus on my hubby getting a complete night’s sleep and a dinner out when he’s on a business trip. I tend to overlook the exhausting long days, airport lay overs, and hotel rooms near the elevator! But! When I’m at BlogHer, he’ll be “left behind” and I will be making the most of MY business trip!
June 30, 2007 at 1:17 am
Girl, a week? I turn into what you just described after four hours.
June 30, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Oh, girl I could have written this post.
June 30, 2007 at 11:41 pm
I LIKE the part about not having to cook. And, I notice things seem to stay CLEAN longer, too, when DH is out of town (which is often, esp in summer). But it is nice to know that others are jumping, too, besides me and my dog. Try getting to sleep when your dog (yes, on the bed!) keeps sitting up straight doing that head tilt thing! Was that a noise??
July 1, 2007 at 3:02 am
Oh yes, I know how you feel.
Is that spoiled milk in the minibar, no its a rude awakening. I LOVE THAT. too funny.
And I try to do the guilt thing too. Any chance I get….
July 1, 2007 at 6:39 am
I love the guilt aspect! My husband takes only one trip a year-
Which is one more than me… I haven’t ever been away from my kids- to be with his buddies for their fantasy baseball draft.
I always tell him “You soooo owe me”, and he always graciously says “I know”.;)
Our survival meals are hot dogs and mac and cheese, and pb and honey (mixed together)sandwiches… and my girls like to eat pancakes for dinner, thank God.
July 3, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I think I wrote this post, too.
My hubby is out of town 4 days of every week, and to be honest, I like when he’s away. My schedule. Hubby actually makes MORE work for me, since he doesnt help much with the every day working of the house whether he’s here or not. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE him, and we have quality time on the weekends. But 4 days a week, I kinda like being just me, 3 kids and 2 dogs.
And unfortunately, the guilt thing wouldnt work here. So I just ask for some time to myself, and I usually get it. He’s a great Dad, and can handle a few hours here and there. Poor thing probably wouldnt survive a few days at a clip, though. Poor guy. LOL
July 5, 2007 at 2:33 pm
That sucks. Luckily the only time Carlos goes out of town/country for work is for training…and that’s normally only once or twice a year.
But use that guilt woman…seriously…think of the power you have!