Dear Oriental Trading Company, because of YOU a squirrel had to lose its life. How can you live with yourself?
June 11, 2007 – 4:00 pmThis year for CJ’s birthday, we decided to forgo the option of spending hundreds of dollars on a way-cool facility or totally-awesome entertainer. Instead, we opted for…
- 120 balloons (Jay spent 2 hours blowing them up)
- pirate booty (not the cheesy corn puff kind; the cheesy chotchkie kind)
- decorate-your-own cupcakes
And amazingly enough, it was a HIT!
Not at all what I feared just a few hours BEFORE the party… but let me back up a bit.
***
The night before
It’s almost time for bed. Of the 5 kids that we invited, only two have RSVP’d. THEN CJ says to me,
“I can’t wait for my party… with all my friends,” and he starts listing off friends. We’re talking people we didn’t even invite… people we haven’t seen in MONTHS. And suddenly it’s crystal clear to me; he thinks his party is going to include ALL his friends. And from where I’m standing, it will likely only include TWO.
Nee Nee Nee Nee (That’s my attempt at writing the sound that happens in the scary movie right as the knife starts stabbing toward the unsuspecting woman in the shower)…
Like any sensible mother, I totally freak out.
“Call your brother!” I shout at Jay, ordering him to invite the in-laws and cousins who we’d INTENDED to invite weeks ago.
Like any good husband, he puts up with my FREAK OUT and follows my orders. And, low and behold, they will COME! Hallelujah, this party just might be saved!
BUT THEN, there’s this…
***
Oriental Trading Company hates me
Like any bad mother, I put off ordering the party supplies until 3 days before the party. Hey, what can I say… I’ve been busy!
But I’m not worried… this is exactly the situation where I’m grateful to pay ridiculous amounts of money for a little thing called expedited shipping.
WRONG.
It took OTC 2 days to fill my order. When I finally get the email notification that it’s been shipped, the estimated DOA is Monday. MONDAY WILL NOT WORK FOR ME.
So I call. And, long story short, they send ANOTHER delivery… this time even more expedited. But, morons that they are, they again wait A DAY to ship it. Hell-O! If I’m paying for overnight delivery, that PROBABLY means I need it tomorrow. Get off your lazy a** and get my package in the MAIL, you morons! (deep breath; 1. 2. 3. 4. 5; fuzzy bunnies; fuzzy bunnies…)
Long story short(er)… Saturday morning it becomes CRYSTAL clear that although our party supplies are nestled cozy in the Seattle FedEx warehouse facility, there is NO WAY in this glorious earth that we will get them before Monday.
FINE. I say. I will drive to the local party supply store and buy party supplies totally last minute when I should be cleaning my house. I’m not bothered; I can handle this…
UNTIL…
***
The part where a squirrel meets its maker
Did I mention it’s raining? Four years of birthdays and EVERY SINGLE ONE involves rain. CJ, my little ray of sunshine, seems to have the weather working against him.
Anyhow, I load him in the car and head off for the party store. On the way, a manic squirrel darts out and runs halfway across the road, then back, where it firmly meets up with my tire. BUMP. (squish)
I cannot tell you how awful I felt. Literally sick. Have YOU ever run over an animal? Even if it’s totally not your fault, it is the WORST feeling ever. Talk about a buzz killer (as IF I had a buzz!) And anyway… what is it with crazy animals with a death-wish these days???
***
We are reminded why we don’t have 7 children
And finally, the party. 4 of the 5 invitees showed up. It was FUN. The kids had a great time (and the 120 balloons were a HUGE hit!)
The parents, on the other hand, ended the day highly exhausted, weary, and worn.
4 year-old boys are EXHAUSTING. 6 of them, and an 8 year old girl, all in party mode, are completely OVERWHELMING.
That night, as I was putting him to bed, CJ said to me, “Mommy, I’m almost FIVE aren’t I?”
NO dear, you’re not. There’s a whole 365 days until your next birthday. And it’s a good thing, because Mommy’s going to need at least that long to recover from this one!
***
Oh, and one more thing… the title of this post actually comes from my sister. After hearing the whole sordid tale she said, “You need to send Oriental Trading Company a letter and tell them that THEY are responsible for the death of an innocent squirrel.” And it’s true, you know… I’m just saying.
***
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Mother. Coffee drinker. Information seeker. Skeptic. Creative. Dreamer. Schemer. Absolutely Bananas.
By tulipmom on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
I’m glad to hear CJ enjoyed his party. OTC …. great cheap stuff but accurately estimating their shipping times … not one of their strong points in my experience. Glad it all worked out (well, for the humans, anyway). Pat yourself on the back!!
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By Smiling Mom on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Fantastic story! You must be exhausted.
And yes, I have run over a squirrel. Just to put it out of it’s misery though. It was previously hit by another car and was flipping around the street with it’s head to the ground. It was on it’s way to a long slow death. So I decided to expedite it for the poor animal. But when I heard the bump & crunch, I still felt sick, horrible and 10+ years later feel awful as I think about the event. I can totally relate.
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By Cate on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
I ran over a squirrel once…it was so awful, I don’t even want to think about it! Why do they wait till you are right there to dart out in front of you? Sorry you had to go through that….at least the party was a success!
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By Kimberly on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
That poor squirrel.
I’m feeling more sorry for the mommy in the story though. Emma’s birthday party is in two weeks.
I’m already freaking out.
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By Michelle Finsand-Peacock on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Once again, you’re hysterically funny!!! Thanks for the laugh. Glad CJ had a fantastic party.
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By Queen Heather on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Birthday parties are so darn stressing!
For the squirrel, well try to look at it this way…you transformed energy from one form to another! It may have been time for that squirrel to move from squirrel status to like cat status or something.
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By Jenn on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
The bright side of all of this is by the time birthday number five rolls around, you’ll have TWO boxes of party supplies!
And what is up with parents not RSVPing? I mean, really. They are parents too, don’t they understand we MUST know these things? Sheesh. I had the same problem with Unruly’s sixth birthday this year…sent out all the invites, got three RSVPs two days before the party, the rest RSVP’d THE NIGHT BEFORE!! GAH!
Yes, I have run over a few animals in my time. ‘Coon, rabbit, cardinal, ‘possum and a dog. Oh, and a duck once flew smack into the side of my car as I was traveling down the highway. I felt horrible after each and every one of them, especially the dog. I couldn’t avoid them, and I tried. Darned suicidal beasts.
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By reevesfarm on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Oh Crap, what a day! OTC did that to me with teacher Christmas gifts last year..their idea of overnight shipping and mine are apparently about 2 days different.
The squirrels are tricky little buggers, they run out of the way, just make it to the edge of the road, pause and then run right under your tire. Blech…..
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By Kristi on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Birthday parties are stress-FULL. Last year I invited kids we had literally met the day before at the playground.
Homeschool moms get desperate sometimes.
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By Crunchy Carpets on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
the day that will go down in infamy…
which is why I didn’t DO a birthday party
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By Smiling Mom on Jun 11, 2007 | Reply
Ok, seriously. You are hilarious. I just saw your photo on your comment at Playgoupie’s blog. Love the Bush resemblance! You crack me up!
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By Jennifer Playgroupie on Jun 12, 2007 | Reply
Happy birthday CJ!
What a squirrely story!! Sorry, that was a xery lame joke.
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By Worker Mommy on Jun 13, 2007 | Reply
HaHa! Thanks to your sister. I came over because I saw the Post title on Moosh in Indy’s site.
I mean how could I not ?
Too funny !
Glad the party turned out well. I’m kind of like you in that I ordered all the kids supplies late and then had shipping drama.
PS- I’m a Seattle area mama too!
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By Laura on Jun 15, 2007 | Reply
This story made me laugh! My daughter is only 1 so I have all of this to look forward to!
I can relate to the Oriental Trading Company part! I was a teacher for four years and dealt with them MANY times! Although no animals were killed in the process :-)
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