There are a handful of words in the English language that I really, really, REALLY don’t like. Something about the way they sound; the way the consonants and vowels roll off your tongue, the combination of noises and intonations that turns my stomach and makes me cringe in horror. Not sure what I’m talking about? Here are a few examples (deep breath in) Moist, Bosom, Mucus, Poop.
Just writing these words honestly sends shudders of revulsion up and down my spine. And yet I’m about to write a post about the last one. Please understand that writing this is AGAINST my wishes; but I MUST persevere for the sake of sharing a funny story. Well, I think it’s funny anyway. And, really, isn’t that what this blog is all about (things I think are funny?) Yessireee.. so here we go. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
CJ has a new fun game that he thoroughly enjoys. It goes like this.
After pooping, he peers down into the smelly recesses of the toilet bowl; earnestly examining the contents therein, and remarking on their appearance. The first time he leaped excitedly (almost falling over, since his pants WERE around his ankles).
“Mommy! Mommy! I made a bridge!”
I may have mentioned before, I tend to be rather squeamish. I do NOT enjoy any aspect of bathroom duty, and use any excuse under the sun to get out of it. We hear “I’M ALL DONE!” from the bathroom and I immediately pretend to be asleep, or to have a broken ankle, or wip out my phone to fake an urgent phone call. Anything to avoid the sights and smells that occupy that white marble place of horror that we call a bathroom. I know I’m weird… but there it is.
Anyway… you can imagine that CJ’s excitement at having made a bridge did not find equal enthusiasm in me. “Oh, right.” I say and instinctively reach to flush the vile stuff away.
“NOOOOOOoooooooo!” howls CJ.
Too late. Too bad. I’m sorry, only really I’m not.
Last night CJ was particularly creative. He peered down, turning his head this way and that to get a better angle. “It looks like… like… an airplane.” he leaned in closer as I held my nose and tried to go to my happy place. “With a broken wing. It looks like an airplane with a broken wing!”
Riiiiiight.
Can I flush it now?
***
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xo Jen
June 1, 2007 at 11:20 pm
I actually gave thought to your previous post of what CJ could have been referring to. I was nowhere near close!
Hysterical (gross, but hysterical)! Thanks for overcoming your hate for those yucky words and sharing this story with us. I am sure you’ll get some leverage out of it when you go to repeat it when he’s a good bit older!
Oh–if in fact it DOES look like a plane with a broken wing, you need to post a pic!!!
June 2, 2007 at 12:11 am
I too tried to figure out what it might be … I even enlisted Sweet Boy’s help.
His response? A girl. Huh????
So I guess if bridge/airplane = poop and bridge/airplane = girl, then girls are poopy?
Yup, that sounds like boy logic.
June 2, 2007 at 1:10 am
Oh rats. I almost went there in my last comment, but didn’t. Poop is a conversation both my hubby and son like to discuss…with me. I hear you on your disdain for the word. BC is on the toilet right as I type. I’m just about to hear, “I’m all done!” What he’s really saying is, “Come wipe my ass!” I love this job!
June 2, 2007 at 8:04 am
Seriously….pee-my-pants funny!
June 2, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Eureka! So THAT is what males are doing in the bathroom when it takes them so frickin’ long. They’re trying to thing of creative shapes of their poop!
So funny!
June 2, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Isn’t it great the things that we find ourselves doing/talking about when we become parents. Just this morning as I laid in bed listening to my husband comment on our son’s morning diaper, I was surprisngly interested. Almost out of body, I found myself asking about the texture, size and color. How have I become? I guess we do it all for love! SOunds like you have a creative mind on your hands! Keep up the good work!
June 2, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Oh, how sweeeeet! He’s very creative! ;)
June 2, 2007 at 5:13 pm
What? No pictures?
My dh has a parenting/pediatric podcast and the NUMBER ONE google search therm that brings people to his site is “poop.” So he kinda likes the term! :)
Funny story!
Found you through the typical endless series of internet clicks. :)
June 2, 2007 at 8:14 pm
um, the only thing left for me to say is the only thing I was going to say, which is,
EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
June 6, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Hilarious! My 10 year old was amazed at what he created the other night as well. Yelled to the whole family that it was at least a foot long and come see and…STOP IT, JOSH!
June 17, 2007 at 1:56 am
My daughter produced “a saxophone and some jumping beans.” Still hasn’t been able to top that one…
June 10, 2008 at 4:51 pm
My daughter also likes to describe her poos. So far she has done a snowman, a submarine, a banana, long ones, broken ones, and muffin ones. She also likes people to check out any of which she is particularly proud!