Will someone please tell me WHY…
I get more pimples at the age of 29 than I did at 13? At least at 13 I was PREPARED to be a pizza face, and actually had the TIME AND ENERGY to apply countless potions, gels, and acids in order to sizzle the zittles right out of my skin.
The later that CJ goes to bed, the earlier he wakes up? Where DOES all that extra energy come from? Do kids have some sort of sick inverse relationship with sleep where the less they get, the more wired they become?
And PLEASE EXPLAIN why some people insist on throwing their toilet paper (and other unmentionable garbage) on the floor of the public bathroom rather than putting it in the garbage bin that’s RIGHT THERE?
If the electoral college basically decides the presidential election, why should I bother voting? I’m not entirely clear on the whole process, but from what I know, all signs point to saving my postage (mail-in ballot) for something like BILLS.
The quieter that I try to be (like when I’m up in the middle of the night), the LOUDER I am? Oops… knocked over a box of MARBLES. WAM BAM dropped a weight on the tile. BAZOINK! ran head into wall.
And I’d also like to know…
Where does your fat GO when you lose weight? Does it evaporate into the air while you’re sleeping… and if so, does that mean that when you’re in the same room with dieters you are breathing in their fat? (Ewww)
Have we as human beings really made any forward progress… or are we just reenacting the same scenarios, discoveries, and arguments as people thousands of years before us?
And finally,
Why DOES the caged bird sing?
WHO put the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-bomp?
How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?
and where HAVE all the cowboys gone?
All for tonight… Happy Memorial Day weekend!
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Update: this post won the ROFL award for May!
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xo Jen
May 28, 2007 at 8:23 am
I’ve had one of those days and here you are like an angel sending me off to bed with a smile and a laugh.
I am so glad to know I’m not the only person who gets extremely loud at night without trying! I can’t walk through the house full of sleeping children without managing to knock over heavy objects or turn on the TV only to discover the baby turned it on full blast just before it was last turned off! ACK!
May 28, 2007 at 11:22 am
really would like to know the answer to that last one. The world needs a few more good cowbows :D
(NOT the Dallas kind though, I’m a Redskins fan from way back!)
May 28, 2007 at 12:49 pm
The fat evaporates into the dark part of the universe. hehe! (I read the Parade magazine yesterday)
May 28, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Freakin’ hilarious questions. Good giggle fest.
May 28, 2007 at 5:03 pm
OKay, hi. Do you and I live the same lives? I’m thinking particularly of your first and second questions. The zits and the lack of time or energy or product to deal with them, and my four year old went to bed super late last night and woke me up super stinking early this morning. And not only did he wake me up, but he woke up his little brothers too. Super. So now I’m TIRED and zitty.
And you, by the way, are hilarious.
May 28, 2007 at 6:47 pm
“why some people insist on throwing their toilet paper (and other unmentionable garbage) on the floor of the public bathroom rather than putting it in the garbage bin that’s RIGHT THERE”
I hear you! After stopping at four different rest areas this weekend I have come to the conclusion that some people are just PIGS–and that includes those who leave a puddle of pee–no mere tinkle–on the toilet seat!
As for the zits–let me know when you figure that one out!
May 28, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Between the toilet paper on the bathroom floor and breathing fat, I’m not sure which one is more worthy of an EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….
May 29, 2007 at 12:46 am
My boys do the exact same thing! When they are up so late that I swear they will sleep in, their up early the next morning….what’s with that??? At least now I know they’re not the only ones!
May 29, 2007 at 1:18 am
I’m right there with you on the damn zits!!!
Love your other questions!!!
May 29, 2007 at 2:28 am
I do know you poop fat out, whatever doesn’t get metabolized. You really don’t want to know how I know that.
May 29, 2007 at 4:50 am
Now if you find out the answers to any of these, please let your enquiring readers know!
May 29, 2007 at 6:23 am
I’m 38 and I’ll bet I have more pimples than you, lol. Sigh… I looooove your blog, btw!
May 29, 2007 at 5:16 pm
LOL Those are all wonderful questions. I have asked myself many of those myself.
May 29, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Seriously. What’s up with #1 and #2?
September 21, 2008 at 2:50 pm
And why, oh why, do I still own a map of the world that contains the USSR, when I started teaching after the Soviet Union broke up?!