Mommy UNIVERSE

May 3, 2007 – 4:01 pm

I think we need a new kind of beauty pageant. Forget the bathing suit competition, the evening gowns, the insipid blathering on about world peace. This would be a NEW competition for the NEW millennium. Sayonara Miss USA, say hello to Mommy Universe!

First we have the basic competitions where we discover who looks best with no makeup and little sleep. Which moves directly into the Gapmom event where we find out which mom looks best in khakis and a black tee. Hey you! No sweats allowed! Don’t you know this is a beauty pageant?

Next up is the talent component of the show, where we have Brillig demonstrating her incredible ability to juggle 4 children under the age of 5 while typing mind-blowing posts; Poli drawing oohs and ahs with her method for spreading joy via her children, Shauna showing off her kung-fu magic on the latest breast milk bandit, and Subarctic mama blowing minds with her talent, “taking kids on plane.”

Finally the interview section (my personal favorite). “What is your dream?” our host asks each contestant.

“Sleep. Just sleep.” announces yours-truly.

“A dry day.” Shaz mumbles, holding a dripping pair of underwear (ewww).

“To slip away to the Island of Shake-shake for a whole weekend,” sighs Heather dreamily (sounds like she’s already there)

“Stop global warming… on Mars.” shouts Daring Young Mom (always unique, that one!)

“Peace and quiet.” says Annie.

And that’s the closest that we get to “World peace.” You see, these ladies are more realistic than the skinny look-alikes that you typically find doing the elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist wave in their sparkling crowns and shimmering dresses. Mommy Universe understands that if you want world peace, you have to start at home. SO BE QUIET AND LET MOMMY DRINK HER COFFEE WOULD YA?

“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” - a very wise person

But wait! Who’s that sneaking up on stage in a bikini? Sorry, sir, this contest is for MOMS only!

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12 Responses to “Mommy UNIVERSE”

  1. By Queen Heather on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    LOL! That is GREAT! Though I have to admit if it were me, I’d say…SO BE QUITE AND LET MOMMY DRINK HER VODKA TONIC IN PEACE, WOULD YA?
    hahahaha!

    [Reply to this comment]

  2. By Annie on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    You are a riot! I love these round up of posts too - I’m off to explore some more of these links :)

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  3. By Kristi on May 3, 2007 | Reply

    I want an award for most freckles. Or maybe nicest stretch marks. Or better yet, ‘most likely to sleep in and forget to feed her children.’

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  4. By Kimberly on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    I am going to spend the whole rest of my day breaking into apparently random fits of giggles as I remember this post.

    It is seriously going to freak out my husband. =P

    [Reply to this comment]

  5. By polliwog on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    Fun idea! I loved reading this. And you get the award for always coming up with such great post ideas.

    Thanks for including me. I am honored.

    I am enjoying what you have linked up to. I just laughed ’till I cried at Brillig’s post.

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  6. By shaz on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    loooooooool

    what kimberly said! :)

    [Reply to this comment]

  7. By Annie on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    For a split second I was like, “Hooray, Jenny linked to me!”
    Then I was like, “I don’t remember writing a post about peace and quiet.”
    Then I’m all, “Darn it, it’s not me.”

    :( Maybe next time.

    [Reply to this comment]

  8. By Surviving on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    I love it!!!

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  9. By creative-type dad on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    So I got that bikini wax for nothing…?

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  10. By subarctic mama on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    I love the idea of this pageant. What a great way to introduce fun posts. I’m really honored to have been included in the talent portion.

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  11. By Shauna on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    Great post! And thanks for including me in the talent portion. Looks like I have some tough competition, though!

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  12. By Brillig on May 4, 2007 | Reply

    Hahahaha. Astonishing linky love! Very impressive.

    As for my juggling four kids 5 and under, you should really know that while I’m blogging, there are generally at least three children crying and hungry and bleeding. But hey, I have my priorities, right?

    [Reply to this comment]

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