Going once, going twice, SOLD

April 2, 2007 – 5:42 pm

Friday night I skipped out of my normal life for the evening to go with a girlfriend to a charity auction for Youth in Focus (great organization, by the way) at the Bell-Harbor conference center down on the Seattle waterfront. You know the kind of event… glamorous people all dressed up, yummy food, beautiful flowers… and the opportunity to blow your budget - but for a good cause!- every time you turn around.

The thing that really astounded me was not the the amount of botoxed expressionless women, the size of the bids, or the impressive artwork being auctioned (although they were all astounding). No, I was all eyes- and ears- for the auctioneer. Man, what a cool job.

It got me thinking… how does a person become an auctioneer? Is there a school for this? Maybe a certification program? And what are the prerequisites- ability to hold your breath for a very long time, booming voice, love of attention, and the obvious ability to speak ridiculously fast yet clearly? Of course counting would be important too.

You know, the traits I just described would fit a lot of parents that I know…

Fortunately there’s a wonderful thing called the Internet, which once again has provided me with answers to my random and fairly meaningless questions.

From this article, How to become an Auctioneer, at eHow.com, I learned that:

  • Becoming an auctioneer is not as easy as you might think. Well, actually, I never thought it was easy. I can’t imagine talking that fast, while scanning the room, while keeping track of the numbers, while not drooling on my shirt. It sounds rather hard, in fact. And it is, with a rating of “challenging” by eHow.

  • Most auctioneers DO have college degrees. Courses typically include marketing (yep, THIS is definitely marketing!), public speaking (makes sense), acting, and business. I’m assuming there’s also a class or two on how to do the “100 do I hear 100 there’s 100 how about 150. do we have 150 the lady in the red says I do. 200 do we have 200 we have 200. how about 300 there’s 300. 350. we have 350 how about a 4…” thing.
  • Oh, and you should know: “Travel is a part of this career and does not always involve luxurious surroundings.”
    As if! Travel without luxurious surroundings? That’s a definite deal-killer for me.

So I guess I won’t become an auctioneer in my spare time. But I might practice what I heard at home just to see if it gets me better results than the nagging that never seems to work…

“garbage needs to go out garbage needs to go out do i see a yes. the man in the blue shirt moved his arm he’s taking out the garbage. eat your dinner just one bite do i have one bite. he takes one bite do we have two. two bites going once going twice…”

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2 Responses to “Going once, going twice, SOLD”

  1. By Jennifer on Apr 2, 2007 | Reply

    I love going to auctions. Of course, they are usually in the middle of nowhere, selling things like old rifles and farm equipment, but still lots of fun!

    I loved auctions in central Illinois, there were always lots of Amish people, they fascinated me more than the auctioneer.

    [Reply to this comment]

  2. By Undercover Angel on Apr 3, 2007 | Reply

    I love auctions. I used to go every Thursday night, but they closed the auction barn down a few years ago. I really miss it. There is something almost addictive about it…

    [Reply to this comment]

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