I tend to be a pretty laid-back person. I am not one to jump, shriek or otherwise freak out with the latest hysteria, and you won’t find me on many bandwagons (silly, rickety things, those bandwagons).
So when I started blogging, I wasn’t particularly worried about things like using real names, sharing pictures of my son, and the like. The Internet is a big place, I thought. Think of the millions and millions of words/pictures/people out there. Just how self-involved would I be to think that my family or I would instantly become the center of obsession, identity theft, and worse just because I threw out a few random posts or pictures? Come on, I thought, we’re just not that beautiful, interesting, wealthy, OR famous.
Some people would call this way of thinking naive. Other, meaner people, might say it’s stupid. I’m starting to see their point.
Recently I have run across several articles and posts that have, one by one, slowly changed my perspective on the potential dangers that come with blogging. As a result, I find that I have a growing affinity for caution, boring as it may be.
Journey with me, if you will, down the road leading to where I am today (slightly freaking out) and the belated safety cautions I am taking in order to, well, sleep at night.
1) Peter, Paul, or Peanut? The choice to use real names vs. pseudonyms when referring to our children.
In the beginning, I thought pseudonyms were a bit silly. And really, most of my readers were relatives and friends– I didn’t want them confused about the people to whom I referred. So I used real names.
Until (dum dum DUM) I read this post at Daring Young Mom, which alludes to the reasons why the author doesn’t use her kids’ real names. Turns out the stuff we put out on the Internet will be around for a while, and our grown-up kids may not thank us if Googling their name turns up post after post about their potty training failings!
Now why didn’t I think of that? It seems that maybe I rushed into this blogging thing a little bit too quickly… without a lot of thought to consequences.
But, never one to be slow to act (maybe late, but not slow) I promptly went back through ALL my posts, meticulously erasing any record of my son’s former identity, and replacing it with a new pseudonym/nickname. And while at first it was weird to refer to my baby by a nick-name that I’d never actually used, it quickly became so familiar that I find myself using it accidentally in conversation (thoroughly confusing everyone involved!)
2) All the great superheroes keep their true identities secret.
So I finally got the point of protecting my son’s identity. My own, however, was of no concern to me. I mean, I constantly provide friends and family an endless stream of reasons to make fun of me. What’s 2 or 300 more? Plus, it’s kind of fun when the old-friend-from-high-school accidentally stumbles across my blog and recognizes me, and we get back in touch, and I learn that she’s a famous movie star, and she takes me on a trip to Europe… Ok this hasn’t happened (yet). But it could… IF I use my true identity. You see what I mean.
Until… (dum dum DUM) I read this horrifying post (warning: disturbing content) in which big-name blogger Kathy Sierra describes her horrifying experience with Internet stalking, resulting in her cancelling speaking arrangements and barricading herself in her house.
So suddenly I’m a lot less excited about using my true identity. Of course your odds for this kind of creepy attention go up as your popularity rises, so I’m probably fairly safe, right? But wait; isn’t my goal to eventually make it big like Kathy Sierra? Hmmm… haven’t figured out the answer to this one.
I’ll be honest and tell you that reading some of these horror stories have made me consider giving up blogging altogether. But I’m not ready to do that. For now I am still using my true identity, primarily because this is a requirement for the newspaper where I blog. I am careful not to post anything too revealing, such as pictures of the front of my house, or the name of my son’s preschool, or when we’ll be away for weeks on end for vacation. But is that enough?
3) How will people know how cute my baby is unless I post a couple (hundred) pictures?
Now I thought pictures were pretty mundane. Yes, it’s true that my son is wonderfully and adorably cute (unlike all the other children on the internet!) But surely all that anonymity combined with my other precautions should enable me to safely share pictures so that the entire web community can revel in his cuteness. Right? Wrong.
Today I saw this article by a poor frazzled mom blogger who used her blog to share pictures of her baby with family, only to learn that someone had stolen the pictures and posted them on another blog, creating a new identity for the baby as well as the real mother and father. Yuck.
So tonight I find myself going through my posts, pulling all pictures but the ones that are blurry, far away, or less identifiable… so all the good ones. It’s a depressing thing to do, but running through the back of my mind are the words “you can never be too safe…”
In conclusion, I’m mainly left with questions
I’m not sure yet where I stand on all these topics. In some instances, I’ve taken action on the side of safety, on others I’m maintaining an as-is stance, although a rather uncomfortable one.
Like so many things, I wish there was an obvious answer. What is the balance between unnecessarily freaking out and prudent caution? Doesn’t everything carry with it some level of risk? Is blogging that different from writing for a newspaper or a magazine, or publishing an autobiographical novel? But then, is any level of risk worth it?
Where do you stand? How do you balance caution with keeping the personality and you in your blog?
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xo Jen
April 4, 2007 at 11:19 am
Something that stuck out to me immediately is that in the first two cases you mentioned, they were using their last names on their blogs. BIG no-no. How are my kids/their friends/interested stalkers going to find any info about us without last names?
As for the pic-stealing weirdos, that happens when you post pic of your kids on baby boards too. Its a risk you take posting anything really.
April 4, 2007 at 12:07 pm
I started using pseudonyms for everyone except myself because of my husband’s worries. Probably a good idea, though. As far as pictures, I worry every time. But sometimes I think the picture either makes the post or IS the post. How selfish of me to do this! It’s something that I’ll continue to struggle with.
April 4, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Jenny, as you know, I am new to blogging and am also an attorney. When I mentioned I’d be blogging to a few friends of mine they FREAKED OUT (and subsequently freaked me out). So right off the bat I have not used any real names or identifying characteristics. Part of this is because of my job and the sensitivity of my clients. But really, this falls into one of those “least common denominator” series–the vast majority of the people (you hope) reading your blog are doing just that–reading and enjoying and moving on. They are normal folk like yourself. But I’ve come to appreciate the concern my friends had–that safety concerns are not for those “normal” folks but for the odd-ball weirdos that you really never consider will even visit your site.
Just as you would never divulge stories that are too personal (or too confidential), when it comes to simple facts that we reveal–names, locations, I error on the side of caution. In the end, you do lose a bit in the full detail of a story, but I have found it isn’t much compared with the the peace of mind you gain by having that anonymity–especially where your young child is concerned. My friends applaud you (and I do, too)!
April 4, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I try my best to maintain some forms of anonymity. But honestly, i called the boys the Heir and Spare because of the whole royalty complex I have and thought it was funnier than using their real names. I don’t know that I’ve ever called dh anything but King Consort?? I’d have to go back and check.
I love using pictures in posts. And I don’t worry much about it either. I’m terrible, I know. And I could explain why I feel comfortable posting pictures but it is pretty “out there” and people might think I’m crazy. haha!
And my goal isn’t to become a big name blogger. I’m doing it just to have fun. So wherever it takes me, it takes me because I followed joy, and I don’t think any harm can come from following your bliss. I trust “joy”…which is just part of my “out there” idea. hehe!
Great topic! Very interesting to think about.
April 4, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Excellent post! I never even thought about it!
April 4, 2007 at 3:55 pm
suburban oblivion- you’re totally right. but I’m in this odd predicament of having to use my last name… so the other issues come into play.
jennifer- I totally agree! Sometimes the picture completely makes the post. Not sure what to do with that.
nola notes- glad to have the attorneys on my side! :)
heather- one side of me is with you, the other keeps going back to the other people who were following their joy when they got smacked upside the head by the uglier side of the Internet. what to do, what to do…
April 4, 2007 at 7:11 pm
In reading this, I can’t help but think….that I really hate that we have to even think about it. There are so many crazy things that happen in the world anymore it’s disturbing.
I always say, follow your gut…it general it tells you the “right” thing to do!
April 4, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Here’s why I don’t post pictures
http://angrymom.blogspot.com/2007/03/i-wanted-to-be-wrong.html
And here’s why I use a pseudonym:
http://angrymom.blogspot.com/2007/01/and-heres-where-im-certain-to-get.html
And this is part of why I protect my kids:
http://angrymom.blogspot.com/2007/03/sick-mother-fuckers.html
April 5, 2007 at 12:12 am
A very complex issue you bring up. We have been thinking about it since he was born. I am glad that sites like flickr.com vox.com are built with the concept of permissions. I am actively making use of the “friends” and “family” groups. For photos, I avoid making public pictures that can be used to narrow down where I live. For blog posts, I have avoided putting in anyone’s name buy my own. My last name is there, but I am the only person related to me with my last name in Seattle.
Our child is not yet near the age at which we would ever let him be outside alone. He knows he is not allowed to open the front door without us there. When he is old enough to be outside by himself, privacy on the Internet will not shield him that much. If he is in third grade and walking to school and someone wants to grab him, I don’t even want to think about it.. We will definitely teach him how to be safe. I can imagine having a code word or phrase that we would use to identify when it was okay for a stranger to pick him up (for cases like: mom and dad are in the hospital after a car accident, he is at school).
The Internet is a powerful tool for predators, that is certain. It is one more thing for us to teach our children about. Even before blogging, there were newspapers. Surely there were columns about parenthood. Now with blogging, there are just a thousand times more people writing in a medium where google can be used by “the enemy” to do research on our lives.
Nothing wrong with a healthy amount of paranoia. It is certainly useful to have these discussions.
April 5, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Very well thought out post. You put your thoughts to words very nicely. Thanks for sharing!
April 5, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I agree with you completely. That’s why I use psuedonyms for my children, don’t post my location – not even the country I live in – and why I only post pictures of my children with at least part of their faces obscured by something. I just think it’s a lot safer…
April 11, 2007 at 6:25 am
I also blog for the newspaper, and so have to use my full name. Plus, I’m a writer and my blog is an extension of that work, so it’s partly for fun and partly for promotion. So I don’t mind my name being used. Although I met a guy recently who was a regular on the TV news and ended up having to change his name b/c he was stalked. Sca-ry!
I use pseudonyms for the dreadfully charming Mr. Right and the Bungle of Joy (shameless photo there), and all my girlfriends are conglomerated into one supreme, all-knowing Girlfriend–though I wonder if it confuses readers when she’s single one post and married with kids the next. Hmm…
But Peter’s point about the last name thing concerns me. There are others of my clan in town, and that gives me the creeps that as I blog for my own purposes and pleasure, I might be putting them at risk in the process. Geez-louise. Now you’ve got me thinking. But maybe that’s getting a bit too paranoid (or at least I hope so)?
But thanks for bringing it up. Though I have to admit I couldn’t bear to link through to the creepy stories you cited. Kind of like avoiding the news so you don’t have to hear about more casualties in Iraq. Head in the sand, I know, but I guess I’d rather (at least at this point) trust your freak-out than have one of my own.
Happily Even After,
janna
June 11, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Hi Jenny! I see you around a lot but this is the first time I’ve stopped in. Found my way via moodswingingmommy’s post on anonymity.
Thank you so much for digging up all those links – and Pissed OFF Housewife, I was by your place today too, so thank you, too.
Very scary stuff.
June 11, 2007 at 7:41 pm
I tend not to worry too much…
I do google searches on us all to see what is going out there.
I don’t post pictures that could be taken the wrong way…and I try not to post photos of friends or family without their permission.
I don’t use last names either but that is more for dh and his work than anything.
The only place my real name is out there is connected to a magazine.
That seems to be it.
August 3, 2007 at 7:49 am
Hey, I submitted this to sk*rt. Thanks for linking it in your BlogHer recap post.