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On parenting, love unparalleled, and soccer.
March 27, 2007 – 3:48 amThere are moments in parenting that I honestly believe can only be fully appreciated by other parents. Times when you are so totally and completely hit-across-the-head reminded of how insanely in love you are with your child, and at the same time how utterly not in control you are of them. This, my friend, is the joy and the agony of being a parent.
Last week CJ started soccer class. A dozen three to four-year old boys (and a girl), all gathered in a gymnasium for the express purpose of HAVING FUN while the parents huddle along the sideline, observing, intervening, and living vicariously.
CJ was SO EXCITED for soccer. This child is naturally athletic — I honestly don’t know where he gets it. Two weeks ago he and Jay were playing baseball in our backyard and CJ hit the ball onto our roof. But I digress…
Anyhow, he was so looking forward to starting soccer… but as the day approached he got more and more nervous. Walking up to the Community Center he kept looking for my reassurance that I was, in fact, NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM and would be there the ENTIRE TIME.
We arrived, he saw the soccer balls, and in 1 minute declared, “Ok mom, I’m going to go play soccer now.” And that was that.
What is it about watching my little boy start to act so very grown up that makes my whole body ache? Why is it that, watching him with all those other boys, listening intently to the “teacher” (20-something guy) and earnestly following instructions that I want to gather him in my arms like the baby he no longer is in a desperate attempt to keep him all for myself?
Why is it that the very act of growing up makes me love him so much more even while I wish it wasn’t happening?
Parenting, by its very essence, seems to be an act of regret intertwined with hope. We want them to grow up… we count the minutes till they reach the next milestone… yet the whole time we are fervently wishing for yesterday… for nothing to change.
This parenting thing is wonderful, the most intensely emotional experience I’ve ever had, yet it almost paralyzes me with dread. Dread, because I know that in the blink of an eye, I will have a young man on my hands, a young man who no longer needs me, adores me, and looks to me as his security and happiness. And so I love every minute even while I curse the passing of time that inevitably takes my little boy away from me.
Yes… this is just one of many reasons that I’m glad I quit my job.
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By Annie on Mar 27, 2007 | Reply
Okay - your post made me cry! I have the exact same feelings about my kids.
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By Undercover Angel on Mar 27, 2007 | Reply
We want them to stay little forever, but as we watch them grow we are so proud of the people that they are becoming… My oldest turns 15 this year and as proud as I am, it breaks my heart…
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By Jennifer on Mar 27, 2007 | Reply
Oh Jenny, that was just beautiful. And so sadly true.
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By The Queen of Shake-Shake on Mar 27, 2007 | Reply
Yes, the dichotomy of raising a child is something else. I do a lot of that too. Like going between wanting to kill them and letting them live to pass on my wonderful, unrefined genes. ha!
They do grow up so fast!
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By Ally on Mar 27, 2007 | Reply
This is so true. Well said.
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By Barb Desmarais on Mar 28, 2007 | Reply
Jenny, you’ve articulated this so well. My kids are now 17 & 19 and there are times I’m flooded with grief at how quickly time is passing and that I’ll never again have a three year old who wants to be with me ever second. Soon they’ll both be leaving home. During the most labor intensive years, you can hardly wait until they can be more independent. Well for me, that time has come. I cherish every minute I have with them.
Barb Desmarais
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By Kerri on Apr 2, 2007 | Reply
It is odd, being in that place where you have one foot firmly planted in, “Please just run into my arms and we’ll go home and snuggle until you’re off to college!” and, “Wow, I never realized how proud I would be and how much you can do if I just let you go a little.” None of the parenting books prepare you for those moments!
Here via CoFL
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By Mark Steidler on Jul 23, 2007 | Reply
Thanks for your post. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Maya & Miguel, a show on PBS in the afternoons — http://pbskidsgo.org/mayaandmiguel — that emphasizes cultural diversity and language learning but I’m reaching out to talk to parents about the program as part of a marketing project I’m working on with Scholastic.
I found your post and thought I’d reach out to say hello and ask if you’d like to receive a free Maya & Miguel DVD. If you’d like to receive the DVD just email me at mark@boldmouth.com with your address and I’ll have it shipped it out to you.
If you do choose to blog about Maya & Miguel show or episodes on the DVD, please make it clear how you received the information. Our goal is to be open and honest with everyone we reach.
Mark Steidler, BoldMouth
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